Friday evening, the Feltons, Allens, and Newsoms got together to pray, discuss, and worry together about the upcoming elders' meeting. The Watters issue hadn't been forgotten, but clearly had to be put on hold for a while.
"Actually," said Pete, when they were settled down, "It isn't a full elders' meet. Donna and I weren't invited."
"I suspect we're tainted,” said Donna, sourly.
"Well, I probably should have called Paul and asked him outright what was happening," said Josh. "But we're obviously not supposed to know, so I didn't want to run the risk of getting Carolyn in trouble."
“What are we supposed to have done, anyway?" demanded Donna. She was obviously not in a good humor.
"I know what Paul told me before. I don't have a clue what precipitated this meeting."
"But what business do those self-righteous jerks have to..."
"Steady, Donna," urged Pete.
"Well, I'm ticked! What we're doing should be obvious to anyone with brains in their heads, and it should be just as obvious that it's a good thing. And these self-proclaimed critics would... "
"Whoa!" said Josh. "We don't really know yet what they're seeing or saying. And in fairness, they aren't 'self-proclaimed.’ They're the elected elders of the church."
"But that makes it even worse. Those elected elders are probably the least spiritual people in the whole church, and yet they come together to pass judgment on what's right and not right in the church. That's not fair!"
"I think you're being too harsh on the individuals concerned, but I agree we've come a long way from the New Testament way of choosing leaders. We're really picking competent administrators, not spiritual leaders. And, you have to admit, they are good administrators."
"But that's not what we need now," pursued Donna. "We need spiritual leaders, and you can't elect them. They have to be recognized by the congregation, and then allowed to lead.”
"I'm not disagreeing with you, Donna. Maybe the churches who have deacons for administration and elders for spiritual guidance do better than we do. But, even so, I'm beginning to think we pick funny ways to do Christian things. Why, look at me." He was getting warmed up, himself. "When I was selected as pastor, I hardly had to acknowledge that I was a Christian. Most of the questions I was asked had to do with denominational rules and regulations. Think of what you might have got!"
"Think of what we did get!" chimed in Pete.
Josh tossed a pillow at him. "You should talk! You didn't go through an election process, at all. I chose you, then just got board concurrence. I could have picked Jack the Ripper, for all they knew."
"And speaking of that," interjected Harry, "I heard a story about Pete... "
"Harry, don't start," warned Bev.
“No, this is important. It goes right along with what Josh is saying."
"Josh, don't let him start. He's dangerous."
"Bev, how can you say that about me, your own true love? This may be a message from God,"
"Josh, I warn you... Oh heck, he's unstoppable, once he gets going."
"Shall we take a vote?" asked Evalyn, catching the spirit. "All in favor?"
"Yes!" all but Beverly responded.
"All right," she said. "But I wash my hands of the whole thing. If anybody asks, I don't know him."
"Harry, you appear to have the floor," said Josh.
"Okay. Well, something none of you know about Pete is that, even though he's youth pastor, he hates kids."
"Now, wait!" interrupted Pete.
"Well, maybe 'hate’ is too strong a word. Let's say he gets uncontrollable urges around them."
"Harry, remember this is a family show," said Donna.
"Come on, now; all this quibbling is ruining my story. Let me clarify. Whenever he's in his car and he sees any of his kids, he gets this uncontrollable urge to run into them. Luckily, he hasn't killed anyone yet, but he's caused a few minor injuries and certainly has scared some of them."
"Character assassination," mumbled Pete.
"Well, that's bad enough, but one day he was driving about twenty-five miles out of town, and he came upon Reverend Felton with his car broke down."
"Leave me out of this," protested Josh. "This is Pete's story."
"Sorry, I can't. Well, Pete couldn't very well leave Josh stranded, but he also was really concerned about what impression he might make on Josh, should they happen upon a youth on their way back to town. He was even a little concerned about his job, should some unfortunate incident occur."
"I should think he might be," opined Evalyn.
"Well, anyway, they were almost to Josh's home, and Pete was starting to breathe a little easier, when suddenly one of the church kids walked out on the sidewalk ahead of them. Pete panicked because he felt the urge coming over him, but it was too late to do anything about it. He just closed his eyes, gritted his teeth, and prayed."
"I'm glad he prayed," Donna stage-whispered to Evalyn.
"Well, poor Pete. He heard and felt a big thump, and when he opened his eyes and looked in the rearview mirror, he saw the kid getting up off the sidewalk. ‘Oh, Josh, I'm sorry,' he said. 'I don't know what came over me. I hope this won't reflect on my job performance.’ ‘Oh, no,' said Josh. 'Don't worry about it. You missed him, but I got him with the car door'."
There was silence for a moment, followed by a collective groan. Then, by unspoken agreement, those who could reach them grabbed bolster pillows and pummeled the story-teller.
"Hey, is that any way to treat a master raconteur?
After a suitable break, they regrouped to get on with business.
"You did one good thing, Harry," said Donna. "It's a tough cure, but you made me forget I was mad."
"My pleasure."
"But wasn't this supposed to be a serious strategy meeting?" asked Beverly.
"I thought so, at first," said Josh, "But then I got to thinking while Harry was talking that... "
"You were thinking while I was talking? How rude!"
"Sorry. I was listening with one ear."
"With both ears, after his name got mentioned," volunteered Ev.
"Anyway, folks," Josh said pointedly, "I was thinking that this doesn't need to be that kind of a meeting. Remember Jesus telling His disciples not to worry about what they were going to say when they were brought before the authorities? He told them that the Holy Spirit would tell them what to say. I think if we had a big strategy meeting now, it would be subjecting ourselves to a lot of grief, for nothing."
That seemed to ring true to everyone.
"So, does that mean I can tell another story?" inquired Harry.
"How about this for a counter-suggestion?" asked Evalyn. She turned to Harry, and patted him on the shoulder. "Sorry, Harry. Your idea is good, too, but I wonder if it might not be worthwhile for us to discuss the things we think they might discuss - sort of a conscience check on ourselves."
"What do you have in mind?" asked Josh.
"Well, why don’t we list all the real or imagined grievances we can think of, and see how we feel about them?"
They all agreed on that. "Let me start," said Josh. "The first one will be my making people uncomfortable by rearranging the church services. But I think that one's pretty well corrected. Everybody agreed?" They were.
"How about our group meetings?" asked Pete.
"I feel a little bad about not telling the board about those. It would have been common courtesy, if nothing else. But, like making Pete do my dirty work instead of me telling Paul that I was taking leave, I was tired of the hassle and took the easy way out. I see those as lapses of etiquette, for which I will sincerely apologize, but they don't seem to be hanging - or throwing out of church - offenses. Our denominational by-laws do allow for assemblies outside formal church time."
Evalyn spoke next. "Il guess I'm most concerned about the charges that you preached against the infallibility of the Bible, and against - what shall I call it? - ‘denominational teaching.’ I know you didn't, but... "
"I have to admit I did say that we might not always be right if we accept the denominational 'party line’ without testing it out. I believe that, but it may not be a truth that everybody is ready to hear. That could get me a wrist slap from headquarters, but I think I can explain what I meant."
"I think that's right," said Harry. "Probably the worst you could be accused of is trying to feed meat to babies who can only drink milk."
"Harry, that's brilliant!" said Bev.
"You mean you don't consider me just another pretty face?"
"Stop, already!" protested Josh. "No, you're right, Harry. Maybe one of the biggest dangers in our situation is overlooking those who aren't ready to go forward with us. We've got to figure out ways not to unnecessarily offend, while still doing what we feel God wants us to do. That's going to keep us all on our toes!”
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