After leaving Paul's office, Josh had walked back uptown to the park, and had found a vacant bench back away from the street. It was nine-thirty, and he guessed that Ev and the kids had finished breakfast. He wasn't hungry.
Sitting there in the bright morning sunlight, he tried for a while not to think about anything. He closed his eyes. No luck. He could still hear Evalyn saying, there's more to it than that; I just know there is! He could see Paul's unsmiling face when he said, maybe you should pray about it He opened his eyes. The world was still there.
Still, something was different. He became aware that the tension that had been with him since Sunday night had eased. His mind still raced, and his body seemed tight and heavy, but somehow he felt better.
I don't know what's going on, he told himself slowly and deliberately, but I do know this can't go on, forever. As his mind said that, he remembered the scripture verse that Ev had quoted, and that Paul had commented on: if you lack wisdom, call on God and He'll give it to you. Well, Hell! I may be confused, but I'm certainly not brain-dead! And there on the park bench, he prayed. Lord, I've always thought I was doing a good job. I've always thought I was a good pastor. But what's happened this past week makes me wonder if there isn't something more, or something different. If there is, Lord, I need it. I'm asking for the wisdom You said was available.
He sat looking around the park. Everything looked the same, but he knew that something had changed. "Thank you, Lord," he said, as he arose and started across the park. A few minutes later, he was calling home.
***
A few hours later, they were together in their back yard, she leaning against a tree and he stretched out on the lawn with his head in her lap. His eyes were closed. He hadn't said much since arriving back home that morning, but she noticed that the tired lines were gone from around his eyes and his facial muscles were relaxed. She absently brushed a strand of his hair back into place. He opened his eyes and smiled up at her.
"Nice, huh?"
She nodded, and smoothed his hair some more. She felt happy and at peace, but with a certain expectant excitement mixed in. His eyes were shut when he spoke again.
"I prayed this morning." Wow, hearts really can leap, she thought.
"So did I. I mean, so did we - Mike and Karen, too."
He opened his eyes at that. "Aloud? Together?"
"Yes. Well, in spirit, anyway. I did most of the talking, but the kids confirmed the prayer. I think Karen said ‘ditto'."
"Ditto?"
She raised her eyebrows, and nodded.
"I said, 'oh, Hell'."
"You what?"
"I said something like 'Oh Hell, I'm not stupid, so I better
pray'."
They looked at each other for a few moments.
"Had you ever prayed aloud before?" he asked her.
"No, not really. Well, I mean, I've cried out in frustration or desperation a time or two, but never a coherent, calm, specific prayer before. It was scary."
"Where were you?"
"In the kitchen."
"What did you say?"
She closed her eyes for a moment. "We just asked Him to help you, that's all." She opened her eyes, and he was smiling at her. "Did you really say ‘oh, Hell'?"”
"I confess, I really did."
"What else did you say?"
He grinned at her. "Pretty much what you did." And so saying, he pulled her down on the grass beside him.
"Josh, we are in the back yard!" But she didn't protest too much, All he said as he kissed her was, "So?"
* * *
"This is Wednesday," he said later. "I think there are a couple of things I should do before Sunday."
"Are you going to continue your story?"
"That's a good question, isn't it? The short answer is that I don't know. Before I make that decision, I want to pray about it." They both smiled at that. "I also want to visit your mother's pastor if I can, and I want to talk to Harry and Beverly Allen."
"Why talk to the Allens?"
"Because as I was walking down the street this morning, I was thinking about the various people in our congregation. I was thinking about their problems, and about the ways they handle them. I have a feeling that things have been pretty tough for the Allens, at times, but they always seem the same - cheerful and under control. I want to find out why."
She nodded. "Do you really want to talk to Reverend Thomas?"
He shook his head. "No, I really and truly don't. I have a feeling it's going to be one of the harder things I've done in my life, so far. But I know that I should. I'll call him in the morning and see if I can fly over there tomorrow evening. I'll come home Friday."
"Okay. What about the Allens? When and where?"
"I think we should meet on their turf, don't you? Could you call and see if we could come over Friday or Saturday evening?"
"Okay, but what should I tell them? It's going to seem a little odd if I just call up and tell them that their pastor and his wife want to talk to them."
"I guess so," he said, but then he grinned. "But what the heck! I don't know how to explain it, so let's be mysterious. Maybe it will cause them to pause and search their souls a little bit."
"Josh!"
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