By one of those coincidences that happen too often to be coincidences, Josh was in the act of reaching for the phone when it rang.
"Josh, I think we better talk."
"I agree, Paul. When?"
"The sooner the better? A half hour?"
"Okay. Your place or mine?"
There was a pause. "How about somewhere else?"
"Neutral ground?"
Another pause. "No, not really. I'd just like to get away."
Josh thought of the park bench that had figured so prominently in his life in recent weeks. He suggested it.
"All right. See you in a half-hour."
Josh hung up the phone. "You, me, and the Holy Spirit, I hope!" he said, aloud.
* * *
The morning was heavily overcast, which even without rain or cold was enough to discourage most outside activity. They had the park to themselves.
Paul was not in the mood for small talk. "I had hoped that, after our last talk, you were going to give up your crusade to change the church. Obviously, you haven't. I wasn't kidding about trouble coming. It's here, already."
Josh hadn't expected the attack quite so quickly. He had a sudden cold, hollow sensation in his stomach. "What trouble are we talking about, Paul?"
"We're talking about members of your congregation talking about getting a new pastor."
"What!" He hadn't expected it that bluntly, either.
"I warned you, Josh. You're shaking everybody up. They don't know what you're doing. They're confused."
"But what precisely am I doing that's so wrong?"
"Well, for one thing, you're changing things. I told you that people like security - routine. They don't like to be shook up."
Josh looked at Paul incredulously. "On, come on, Paul. Surely that isn't reason to kick us out! Besides, I took what you said to heart. I'm trying to keep the church activities just as normal as possible. That should have been obvious yesterday morning. And I didn't forget the offering last night, either!"
Paul was looking at his hands clenched in his lap. "There are worse charges than that."
"Worse? Like what?"
Paul still didn't look up. "Like you are casting doubt on Bible truth."
"What!" Josh was on his feet, unbelieving. "Where did that come from?"
Paul did look up, then. "Well, do you deny that you said that Bible truth was a matter of interpretation, that we make the Bible say whatever we are comfortable with?"
Josh was stunned. "I certainly do deny it!"
"What did you say, then?"
"Well, I didn't say that, believe me!" He sat down again. "How could they read that into anything I said?" There was silence for a moment as he tried to recall his words. "I was talking about all the great Bible truths being clear and agreed on in all Christian churches. Then I said that some specific church rules and regulations are based on less rigid interpretation within denominations, and are really just codes of behavior we are comfortable with! Was that it?"
Paul's silence was affirmation.
"Good lord, what's wrong with that? That isn't heretical, it's common knowledge - hell, it's common sense!"
"Josh, it may be to you, but remember, most of our people are not intellectuals. They need things kept simple. You're confusing them. You're shaking their faith."
Josh was on his feet again. "Confusing them? I'm trying to simplify! My point is that we in the churches are making it too hard to be a Christian. We're putting so many things between God and the individual that it's a wonder God can act in this world at all."
Paul was up now, too. "Josh, listen to yourself. You're an ordained minister of this denomination, and you're standing there, tearing down the church, and cursing as you do it. The people have to have something to hold onto. Your personal confusion and your haranguing against the church are destroying them."
Two women walking on the sidewalk outside the park glanced toward the sound of upraised voices. Josh noticed, and forced himself to sit down again and compose his thoughts.
“Paul, this just isn't true. I apologize for the 'French,' but we've both cussed on occasion. I can't believe that's a real issue, here."
Paul relented. "No, it isn't. I'm sorry for that, too. It's just that this is turning into a major crisis in the church, and you don't seem to realize it!"
They sat in silence, each thinking his own thoughts.
"Paul, can you tell me who 'they' are?"
"They?"
"Yes, we keep talking about 'them' being confused, 'them' being upset. Who are we talking about?"
Paul got up and walked a little distance away before answering. "I don't know that it's fair to say. Isn't it enough that your congregation doesn't like what you're doing?"
Josh was heating up, again. "No, frankly, it isn't! I know for a fact that there are some people in the congregation who are excited and pleased with what's going on. Are they wrong, and the others right? Are the complainers the majority in the church, or the minority? Don't we have to know that?"
"All I know is that I have only heard complaints so far. That's what I have to act on."
"Paul, you yourself said that we didn't need to worry about the 'Mrs. Hoddies' in the church, as long as we were moving ahead."
"But we're not talking about Mrs. Hoddy, here. These are responsible members of the congregation who have registered a complaint. As a church elder, I'm required to act on that complaint.”
"And what does that mean?"
"It means we had better get back on track, and soon."
"Or?"
Paul looked at him, pleadingly. "Josh, they're talking about firing you! This is serious! Doesn't that mean anything to you?"
Josh stared back. "I really can't believe this. Paul, we're friends and we're Christians. What do you think, personally?"
"In this case, it doesn't matter what I think personally. I'm bringing this to you in my role as a church elder."
"Paul, it does matter what you think personally. That's the whole point. We've got to quit ‘playing church,' and start to develop our personal Christian relationships."
"That's not the point, Josh. The point is that you and I serve at the congregation's wishes. We don't do what we want; we do what they want. They don't want what you're giving them, and they've sent me to tell you. Stop it, Josh, before it's too late!"
Paul had walked away fairly abruptly after that, leaving Josh alone in the park. He stared around him, unseeing. Then the tears came, and he sat on, sobbing uncontrollably.
***
In his car, Paul was crying, too, a mixture of confusion, frustration, anger, and emptiness. Why is this happening? he cried to himself. Why can't it be like it was? He's my friend! Why can't he understand what he's doing to us? Why can't he see?
***
Tears were falling in the Felton household, also. After a restless, almost sleepless night, and with high anxiety about Josh's upcoming meeting with Paul, Evalyn had tried to pray. But her mind wandered after only a few moments, and she couldn't concentrate on either asking God to help or thanking Him for doing so. After three or four futile tries, she surrendered to the emotions welling up inside her.
The utter hopelessness passed within a few minutes, but she moved in a teary haze the rest of the morning. Before she had pulled herself entirely together, it was noon, and she realized that Josh had not reappeared. As she had done just one week earlier, Evalyn pulled on her coat and headed for the park, She found him on the same bench, apparently just staring into space. Like the last time, he didn't seem to realize she was there until she sat beside him.
"Hi, sailor," she said gently, and put a hand on his arm.
He smiled at her, but it was a lonely, wistful smile. "Hi, yourself."
"Not good, huh?"
He shook his head. "No. Very, very bad. I'm a heretic, and a blasphemer, and ... "
"Josh!"
"...and we could lose the church."
He said the last without emotion and without looking at her, but it was as if he had hit her in the stomach. She felt like the breath went out of her, and her heart took an uncomfortable leap. She couldn't talk for a minute, and he didn't. Then, when she could finally ask the question, he told her about the meeting with Paul. He told it almost word for word, but in such a detached way that he could have been narrating a story or telling of an incident that happened to someone else. Those feelings of desolation that she had felt earlier that day welled back up in her.
"But, Josh, people can't believe - Paul can't believe! - that you're preaching against the Bible."
"They can, and they do."
"But that's crazy!"
"I don't know if it is."
"You what?" Her uncertainty disappeared in a flash. She pulled roughly on his shoulders, making him face her. "What are you talking about? The Holy Spirit is so much in what you said - so much in the church, period! - that people must be dead not to feel it and understand it."
He shook his head at her, resignedly. "Ev, it seemed good to me, too, but how can it be, with all this happening? Don't you see that we're hurting people?”
"Josh, don't you see that we're helping people, too? We don't even know who is ‘hurt’ - Paul, Mrs. Hoddy, and some unnamed others. What about the Debbies, the Betty Watters's, Carolyn Curry, the Allens, Pete and Donna... What about me? And, for God's sake, what about you?”
He gently pulled away from her, and stood up, then turned to look down at her. He wore a sad smile. "Ev, what have we done for any of these people, yet? We've got us and them excited about what could happen, but in reality... "
"Josh... "
"Wait. In reality, all we've done is stir things up in what's always been a good, solid church. All we've done... " His voice faltered, and his eyes moistened. "What I've done is make it so we may lose the church!"
"Josh!" She leapt to her feet, and put her hands on his face. He was crying now, deep sobs that shook his body. She put her arms around him.
"Oh, Josh, it isn't true! God isn't this. We're doing the right thing. He won't let us lose the church, or let people be hurt. We're not doing this, remember; He is."
He had stopped shaking, but he kept his head buried in her hair. His voice was very low and uncertain. "I don't know, Ev. It's seemed right, then wrong, then right, then... Ev, I'm honestly scared to death. I'm scared of losing our job - what could we do?"
"Josh... "
"Wait. I'm frightened of that, but, really, I'm afraid for what we might be doing to the church and to the people in it. These people are our responsibility, and what if we're wrong? We could be ruining lives; we, the people who are supposed to be helping them. I'm not sure I have the courage to risk this, anymore.”
"Josh... "
"Wait, Ev." He pulled away from her, looked at her sad face, and gently touched her cheek. "I'm burnt out, now. Let's not talk about it. Let's go home."
She nodded, and they walked home in silence, his arm around her, but each of them in their own world. Hers was revolving at millions of miles per minute; his seemed to have stopped.
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