Josh had stayed in his office all day. Although Evalyn was worried about him, she had left him alone. The house was amazingly still, and she caught the mood and found herself almost tiptoeing from room to room, doing chores with a minimum of noise and motion. She felt oddly concerned that she might disturb something; what, she didn't know. Mike and Karen burst through the front door at normal (high) volume, but they too seemed to sense the mood, and quietly melted away to their rooms, after only a short stay in the kitchen.
They had dinner together more or less naturally, except that it was more subdued than usual. Josh hardly spoke, and it was no sacrifice for Karen and Mike to quickly ask to be excused the minute their food was gone. Evalyn cleared the table, and Josh wandered out of the room. A few minutes later, she found him in the living room, tilted halfway back in his recliner chair, staring into space.
"Ready to talk now?" she asked, as she seated herself in her own chair.
He nodded, and without preamble said, "Ev, I'm going to take a leave of absence from the church."
It felt like her heart leaped halfway out of her body, but she couldn't think of anything to say or ask. She waited.
"Probably not a long one - maybe just a week or two, but I've got to get away from all this for a bit."
Still, she didn't respond. He released the recliner foot rest, slipped out of his chair and knelt by hers, his hands on her knees.
"Ev, I'm going crazy. I go up and down like a yo-yo from minute to minute. Sometimes I feel really good and sometimes I feel real bad, but I can't find a balance. Everybody's pulling me in different directions, and I just can't take it." He paused, but she just looked at him. "Ev, I have to get out!"
Evalyn leaned forward, and placed her hands on his shoulders. "Are you sure, Josh?"
He looked up at her, and there were tears on his cheeks. "What else can ! do, Ev? I'm messing up everybody's lives right now, maybe ours most: of all, and I don't seem to be able to do anything about it. I just get in deeper and deeper!"
There were tears in her eyes now. She shook her head, but no words came,
"What else can I do, Ev?"
"I don't know, Josh. You're upset, and so am l. You're scared; I am, too. Most of the time - I guess all the time, in my heart - I think we're doing the right thing, but when I think about losing the church, I get cold chills all through me. And I hate to see you so sad and frustrated!"
Neither spoke for a moment. "Have you been praying about it all day, Josh?"
He laughed, hesitantly and apologetically. "Praying? I don't know about that. I've prayed a little bit, but mostly I've just been thinking - around and around and around."
"And your thinking says what?"
"Just what I said: nothing. I just can't get it straight. Maybe if I just step back for a week or so... " He looked at her for assent. She shook her head.
"Josh, you have to do what you feel. I can't tell you what to do. I'm as big a mess as you are!"
He stood up. “Okay, I'll call headquarters in the morning, and see about a substitute. It'll be best."
He tried to look resolute, convinced, and convincing. She thought he only looked sad and uncertain.
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