Josh didn't even wait for the voice on the other end of the telephone line. "Yes, Paul, we heard from Del Solitz, too. Don moved even faster than you predicted."
"So, what do we do?"
"I don't see that anything's really changed by this. I said to Ev last night that I thought I was committed to move ahead whatever happened, and take my best shot while I can."
"And what does that mean?"
Josh laughed. "That's what Ev asked, too!"
"What did you tell her, old friend?"
"I told her, old friend, that I haven't a clue, but that I'm sure things are about to go on a fast track to somewhere."
"What did Ev say about that?"
Josh paused. "I think she said it sounded pretty scary. Then she said that it sounded pretty final."
"That it does, Josh, on both counts!"
***
Word had gone out for the "Tuesday night group" to meet at the Felton's that evening. Carolyn intended to go, because she knew about the Solitz call (all the board members had been notified), but mostly because she needed more of what the group gave her. Herb had asked where she was going. She told him.
"That's not smart," he had said.
"Yes, Herb, it is smart. It's very smart for me."
To her surprise, he didn't blow up at her, or even raise his voice. He seemed resigned to her rebellion against him. "It just muddies the water, Carolyn, what with the hearing coming up next week. You shouldn't be meeting with them."
lf he was passive, she wasn't. She actually stamped her foot at him. "Herb, you are muddying the waters - you, and Margaret, and Don. You're the ones who are wrong, not the pastor. And, yes, I should be meeting with them. I haven't felt such peace and hope in years!"
"I know," he said, quietly, "And it just isn't fair."
She stopped, and stared at him. "Fair? What do you mean, not fair?" Then she thought she knew what he meant, and she tried to share with him the hope that she felt. "Oh, Herb, it isn't reserved for me. You can have it, too."
Herb shook his head. "No, you misunderstand me. I meant it isn't fair to you. I don't want what you think you've found, because you haven't found anything, at all."
"I haven't?"
"No, Cal, you haven't." He sounded unbelievably tired, and his voice dropped low and the words came slowly. "You haven't found peace, and you haven't found hope. You're only fooling yourself - the whole bunch of you are fooling yourselves."
"Why do you say that?"
"Because there isn't any hope, anymore," he said so quietly she could hardly hear him.
***
All the "Tuesday nighters" except Betty and Ed made it to the meeting. Josh didn't waste any time before getting to business. "I think most of you know that not everyone in the church is happy with the events of the past couple months. But some of you probably don't realize just how serious it has become."
He paused and waited for questions or comments. No one seemed to have any. "It has become so serious that some members of the church have asked our denominational council to investigate what's going on."
“What does that mean in 'kid talk'?" asked Charley.
"It means that there could be an attempt to remove Josh as pastor," said Paul.
Even some who understood "church politics" hadn't let themselves think of that possibility, yet. Josh moved quickly to cut off the various protests.
"What Paul says is true, but I'm not worried about that. If it's what God wants, so be it. What I want is for all of you to be aware of what's going on, and I want all of us to be able to separate the 'people parts' from the 'God parts.’ This kind of situation can get very confusing, what with concerns about the church and loyalties to individuals masking what God really wants to do. Tonight, I want us all to pray for real Holy Spirit guidance - for the mind of Christ - in everything that takes place. This is a real opportunity for each of us to find out for ourselves what Jesus wants to do. But, remember, we have to let the Holy Spirit get in behind our likes and dislikes, our allegiances, and what we've been taught. Everything needs to be seen by each one of us on an individual basis, and needs to be interpreted for each one of us by the Holy Spirit."
"I don't think I understand what you're saying, Pastor," said Bob Deveaux.
"Let me try to explain," suggested Harry. "Josh is trying to get across to us that God might not tell every one of us the same thing. What's right for Josh might not be right for me, and the Holy Spirit might tell me something very different than He tells Donna. That can be scary and confusing, when all we want to do is support one another. But just remember that God has much bigger plans that He's working on, and we may not be able to see the whole picture."
There was obviously still some uncertainty. "Could you give us an example of how the Holy Spirit might tell us different things?" asked Donna.
Josh looked reluctant. "If we start talking about specifics... Well, I'd prefer that we didn't get ideas in our heads that might make us prejudge the situation."
Evalyn interrupted. "Maybe we can do it without prejudging any of our current business. Try this: you read a book, and really like it. I read it, and I don't like it. You might wonder why I don't like it, but you probably wouldn't try to convince me that I was wrong, and you probably wouldn't feel guilty about not feeling the same way I did. That's just personal preference, and two people may have very different reactions to a book, or a movie, or whatever. That's not hard for most people to accept.
"On the other hand, what if I feel strongly that God told me to give a thousand dollars to the Salvation Army, but you know I don't have that kind of money to spare? Or maybe you don't think the Salvation Army is that good a charity. You could argue with me that I hadn't heard God correctly, or you could wonder why He hadn't called on you to do the same thing, or you could worry that maybe He did call on you and you didn't hear Him. But, really, there's no reason that God should tell us the same thing in this case. He's perfectly capable of asking different things of each of us. lf we've all prayed that the Holy Spirit will fix our hearts and minds firmly on Him, then it shouldn't surprise us or worry us."
Josh picked up the thought at that point. "So, all we're really saying is, let's ask the Holy Spirit for guidance, and then not be surprised at the results."
"Let's pray," suggested Donna.
"Before we do," interrupted Debbie, "I need to tell you all something. It's really just my business in a way, but I'm getting a really strong feeling that I need to be honest with you, so you can pray for my problem specifically, and so we can be closer when we pray about other things." She paused, trying to find the right words. There weren't any. "I'm pregnant," she said, finally.
It was too much to ask that some eyes didn't turn toward Bill. "No, it's not that," she said. Impulsively, she reached for his arm, and stroked it gently. "I wish it was," she whispered. Bill put his hand over hers, and his eyes grew shiny with tears. She looked at him, and couldn't speak for a moment. "Anyway," she continued, "I need a lot of Holy Spirit wisdom to know what I should do."
"I need some specific prayer, too," Carolyn spoke up. What Herb had said, and the way he said it, had truly shaken her, just how much she hadn't realized until she told the group about their talk. "I feel I was right to come here, but he really frightened me."
Evalyn embraced her and began to speak softly, as Josh began to pray aloud. He abruptly stopped. "Wait. I think we need to share something more. We're a body now, and God is telling me that we can't really function as a body if we have secrets or if part of the body is hurt. I think you all need to know why Betty and Ed are not here with us. I wasn't going to tell because it seemed too personal, but now I see that's exactly why I should share it."
He paused. "This is hard to say, but here goes: Betty is a victim of Ed's temper. He abuses her physically and verbally, and she's afraid to do anything about it."
That brought reactions from everyone there. Donna's was the most pointed, "That son of a bitch!"
"Donna!" Pete protested, and reached for her. She pulled away.
"No, Peter, wait a minute. That ba... That man comes here to our meetings, pretending to be one of us, and all the time he's beating his wife!”
Pete reached for her again, and this time she collapsed on his shoulder and began to sob. He stroked her hair. "Hey, babe, I can't condone what he's done, but he must have some serious problems of his own to make him do that."
That set her off again. "Peter!" she screamed, and pounded on his shoulders. "How can you defend him? Do you men always stick up for one another?"
He shook her, gently but firmly. "That's not fair, Donna!"
She collapsed on his shoulder again, and this time the tears poured out, uncontrolled. Evalyn and Bev had moved over to her, and all three stroked her as she cried. The others stared, prayed, or thought their own private thoughts.
It took five minutes or more for the tears to stop. When the sobs were under control, Donna leaned away from Pete, stroked his cheek, and tried to smile. "I am sorry, Pete. It wasn't fair of me." He smiled back, and kissed her on the nose. She hugged Bev and Evalyn, who still sat at her feet, and then extended her apologies to the rest of the group. "I didn't mean to come unglued, but it just seemed like the last straw to me. All the dumb church rules; all the narrow-minded people trying to find fault; phonies and wife-beaters... I don't understand how God can do anything, at all!"
"Don't jump to conclusions about motives, Donna," Paul said, quietly. "Other people are trying to do what's right, too."
"But, dammit," she flared again, "If they're trying so hard, how can they get things so screwed up!"
Everyone just stared, until Paul spoke again. "I know what you're saying and feeling, Donna. But let me talk for a minute, as one of the 'screwed up' ones." Everyone's eyes were on him now, some looking very puzzled. "Some of you don't know that I've been one of the ones leading the fight against you all. I've been wrong - I was too worried about ‘dumb church rules,' and order, and doing things the traditional way to realize that God was doing some wonderful things around me. I see that now, and this Paul feels like that Paul who was once Saul on the Damascus Road." He paused. "But I was right, too. I was right that everything wasn't being done in the proper way, unnecessarily upsetting the church. Josh himself admits that some of his actions caused problems that didn't need to occur. I wasn't against Josh - I love him! - and I wasn't against new ideas. But the way things were being done was tearing at the very fabric of our church. People were being hurt, and God wasn't being glorified. Fighting you people has made me more miserable than I have ever been in my whole life, but my fighting wasn't wrong. I can't speak for the motives of anybody else - they are accountable for those - but don't ever think that there aren't two sides to everything."
"I'm sorry, Paul," Donna said, simply.
"I'm sorry, too. I do love all of you."
As they prayed, the Holy Spirit took control once again. They sang, they laughed, they spoke in languages they understood and some they didn't, they hugged, and they cried. And God spoke aloud to them once again, telling them that He had created a family for them and was building a body out of them, and that each and every one of them was a vital part of that body. He urged them to listen to Him, that the body might be whole and strong and healthy. And He told them once again that, if they believed that He was God, they must let Him be God.
***
Josh lay awake long after Evalyn had fallen asleep by his side. His body was satisfied, but his mind was very active. He thought about the evening, and thanked God for His presence, and he prayed for each of the people who had been there. He thought about various events in his life, some dating back to his childhood, some of which seemed to have some current pertinence and some of which seemed vagrant whimsies. A song from twenty years ago wandered through, very clear but without any obvious connection to anything, and it was quickly gone. He thought about making love to Evalyn, and felt considerably warmer all of a sudden, Another song wandered through - yes, well, he knew those lyrics and why he thought of them just now! He ruffled Ev's hair lightly with his fingers. He didn't really want to wake her... Well, yes, he really did! She made a little sound in her sleep and rolled over, cuddling against him in her unconsciousness. His eyes grew watery.
"Thank You, Lord," he said, silently. "Thank You for her, and for the kids, and for our friends, and for the church. You've been so good to me!" He paused in his silent prayer, knowing that there was something else. He remembered. "Lord, I haven't been entirely honest with You, or myself, or the others. I said I wasn't worried that they might try to remove me from the church. That's not true. I'm scared to death! What do we do if we don't go on here?"
He was afraid, he knew, and the question was an honest one. Still, he didn't feel anxious about it. It was just a fact. A few minutes later, he was asleep.
To the Writing It Down Homepage
Leave a comment: symbios@condortales.com