Josh arrived in La Grande in mid-afternoon. Milt was already there. It was a crisp, clear fall day, and neither felt like talking in a motel room. They drove to a trailhead a few miles west of town, and hiked a steep mile to a rocky overlook. It was already dimming toward evening when they arrived there.
"Short days," observed Josh, as he collapsed on a logical perch.
"But lovely," puffed Milt, as he sat beside him. "The colors are wonderful. Not as much variety as New England, perhaps, but we 'do' autumn pretty well, too."
Josh agreed. They sat in silence for a while. Neither had had much wind to devote to talking on the way up, and now they found that they were content to just experience the changing scene, as the sun went down behind them. They had to hurry back down the steep trail in the rapidly encroaching darkness to reach the car before it was fully night. They reached the motel tired, but feeling refreshed.
Only after a late supper did they get into serious discussion. Josh was getting adept at telling his story, and he laid it out quickly. Milt let him finish before questioning or commenting.
"I envy you, Josh," he said, and there was a wistfulness in his voice.
"You do, huh? I never took you for a masochist!"
Milt laughed. "I never thought I was one, either, but I see your point. I'm certain it's more comfortable looking from the outside than it is to be inside! But, all that aside... "
"Easy for you to say!"
"All that aside, it's so exciting! You have God working with you now, doing tremendous things in your life and in the lives of your friends. And now you have the possibility - the opportunity - to move on to some new undertaking as a Christian. God didn't put these questions and this hunger in you just to harass you. He has something definite in mind." He paused, as if he had just remembered something important. "You know, I think God just gave me a vision, and then the interpretation of it!"
"What do you mean? What kind of vision?"
"Well, as we were talking, I suddenly had this little motion picture going through my mind. In it, you were in a big box. It wasn't dark or closed up. In fact, there was sunlight and a lovely garden in there with you, but you were still clearly in a box. I couldn't see any door, but there was one window high on one wall. You stood on tiptoe, and strained to see what was outside the window. Your need to see outside seemed so great that you began to throw yourself at the seemingly solid walls. Finally, the whole box collapsed, and you were outside, And do you know what was outside? It was the rest of the garden, stretching on in all directions as far as I - and as far as you - could see."
Josh was both thrilled and puzzled. "It seems like you could ask a number of questions about that, Milt. Like, why am I trying so hard to get out, when it's all the same inside and out? Am I tilting at windmills, or is it just the old 'grass is greener’ syndrome?"
Milt shook his head. "No, I don't think the message is about being content where you are, or about the futility of seeking greener pastures. What I get out of it is that there is a lot more of the garden to work in than you've known about, or that you can take care of from your box. Since God has given you the desire to 'batter the box,' so to speak, I think my reading is more logical."
Josh thought about that. "Granted, I like your interpretation; it takes it for granted that God wants me running into blank walls! But what if it isn't God? What if it's just me trying to escape from the current situation?"
"Are you telling me that you're a masochist?"
Josh laughed. "No, I don't think so, Why?"
"Well, clearly, there are simpler and cleaner ways to get yourself out of the current situation, if that's your motivation. It seems like you've picked a pretty tough one for you, your family, your friends, and the church. I can't imagine you'd pick it, intentionally."
"I see what you mean. So, I'm not a masochist. Maybe I'm just stupid."
"Possible, of course. But what I think is that God is preparing you to take a step that will result in what He's teaching you being spread throughout the bigger outside garden. And, if I'm right, that's exciting!"
Josh was quiet for a few moments. Milt let him alone. "I can't really fight it," Josh said, finally. "Il get these quick messages that I'm being stupid, or willful, or selfish, or whatever. But, really, I know you're right. God really does want me to do something else. I worry about Ev, and Mike and Karen, and Pete and Donna, but when I really get right down to it, I think we're leaving. And it really does feel right to me!"
They prayed briefly together before they went to bed. They didn't seem to need much, after the peace and pleasure of the day.
***
Next morning after breakfast, Milt got on to the next issue. "What do you want to do, Josh, if and when you leave the ministry?"
"You know, if you'd asked me that even two days ago, I wouldn't have known what to say. Now, I think I do know what I'm supposed to do. The problem is that I don't know how to make a living doing it."
"What's your pick?"
Josh took a breath. "You're the first one I've told. Once I tell someone, it makes it real!" He paused again, and felt a real excitement growing in him. "What I want to do more than anything is write. I feel that I have a tremendous amount to say, and I think I should be saying it to a lot more people than I can reach from my pulpit." He got up and strode over to the window, feeling amazingly energized. He turned back to Milt, "Until I said it aloud, I didn't realize how strongly I feel about this! You know, I once thought I would go into journalism - my degree in in English - but the ministry won out. I've always liked to write, but this... This is amazing!"
Milt smiled, charmed by Josh's unprotected enthusiasm. "I think it's clear that God is helping you meld your desires with His desires. I think you have your answer."
The broad grin faded. "I think I do, too, but it still leaves some pretty hairy questions. Like the one I started with: how do I support a family by writing? What I'm thinking about doesn't fit in the best seller, big money, category."
"Maybe you could only eat on alternate days."
That stopped Josh. Milt was fun, but he wasn't funny, and Josh couldn't believe he'd heard him right. He looked at him. Milt didn't crack a smile.
"Well, if you don't like that idea, we'll have to work on something else." Now, Milt did smile. "I'm not making light of the problem, Josh, but it just seems to me that God must have something in mind. I don't think He would have put this desire in your heart if there wasn't a way to fulfill it."
"Then I guess I'll have to be content with that, for now," said Josh.
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