The meeting began at the church at six o'clock. Not surprisingly, all the board members were there, the first time they had all been together since the early October confrontation. The Salem office was represented by Del Solitz and by Chuck Dennison, the head denominational representative for the two-state area. Dennison started things off on an apologetic note.
"I'm not sure we should be here, tonight. I'm somewhat embarrassed because this could easily be construed as being out of order. 'Denomination,' as you know, tries to let the local board and congregation work as independently as possible." He cleared his throat, and glanced at his co- worker. "Be that as it may, when Del was presented with a complaint, his judgment was that maybe we could get involved informally at this time, and head off a more serious situation later on. It seemed to me that he had a point, and as Josh didn't object when I presented it to him, here we are."
He paused to assure himself that he had everyone's attention. “All right, here's what I'd like to do, if there are no objections or no better ideas put forward. Don doesn't mind me telling you that he lodged the complaint. That being the case, I'd like him to explain the situation as clearly as he can for all of us to hear. After that, I believe that Josh should have the opportunity to comment from his perspective. Then any of the rest of you - or anyone in the congregation, for that matter - can have a say, either in front of the group or privately.”
"No," interrupted Donna.
"Pardon?"
"No, there should be no private conversations. Anyone who wants to speak should speak openly. This is board business, and anybody who has something to say should have the guts to say what's on their mind in front of us all."
"I agree with Donna," said Ted. “Also, I think the review should be limited to board members, and not involve the congregation. As you said, Chuck, you are somewhat out of line, just being here with the board."
Don started to protest, but Dennison quickly agreed to the conditions set down by Ted and Donna. He then invited the already frustrated instigator to present his case.
"These people all know what's been going on. I don't need to repeat it. We just want it stopped, and stopped right now!" Don looked challengingly at the visitors. "Now, what are you going to do about it?"
Obviously nonplused, Chuck tried to use the reasoned approach. "The board may know, Don, but I don't. Anyway, I think it would be good to clearly lay out all the points so we can talk about each one specifically."
"The time for talk is past; we want action!" exclaimed Margaret.
"Shut up, Mag," said Herb, quietly but pointedly.
Don leaped to his feet. "What do you mean, talking to my wife like that?”
"Sit down, Don." Herb said it lazily, but there was a threat about it. "Speak your piece, or let's go home. You're wasting our time."
Somewhat surprisingly, Don did sit down and Margaret did shut up. "Now," said Chuck, "Can we start again?"
Don was not used to composing his thoughts and giving orderly presentations. It took him some time to begin. "Well, it started with him reading that soap opera in church."
"That's over," Carolyn protested, half under her breath.
"But that's where it started. We've got to show where it started!" Don looked around aggressively, but no one offered further challenge. He began again. "Like I said, he started reading this soap - this story at evening service. A lot of people didn't like it. Then he started to forget the offering, and he quit singing the old hymns, and started having an outsider lead choruses that nobody knew."
"Outsider!" That was too much for Donna. “Harry has probably been a part of our congregation longer than you have!"
"But not a member!" chimed in Margaret. "You have to be a member to take part in the services," she finished, triumphantly.
"My god, you petty old..."
"Donna!" warned Pete.
Josh had been silent, but now he entered in. "Come on, all of you! I agreed that Don could have his say, so let's let him. This isn't getting us anywhere, and it certainly isn't the way Jesus would do it."
That hit home with everyone, and there were no more interruptions while Don gave his version of what happened at the Tuesday meetings, his allegations that Josh was preaching against the inerrancy of the Bible, and his feelings that Evalyn's "holy roller" preacher in Idaho was the instigator of all the trouble. There were no interruptions, but there were a variety of grimaces and other unusual facial expressions as he spoke.
Both Dennison and Solitz had been taking notes as Don spoke. Chuck now turned to Del for advice on procedure. Del shrugged, and motioned with his head, indicating that Josh could speak now.
"If nobody minds," Josh replied to the unspoken bidding, "I'd like to hear what other people have to say before I respond, Is that all right?"
Del shrugged, and turned to Chuck. "All right by me," said the latter. "Who's first?"
Margaret was not inclined to wait a moment more. "I second everything that Don said. It's been disgraceful, what's been going on. And to think what it must be doing to our precious young people."
"Margaret, for pete's sake!" interrupted Donna. "Nobody's doing anything to 'our precious young people,’ except for what's been caused by all the bad feelings you and a few others have generated by bad-mouthing your pastor."
Don leaped to his feet again, but Margaret was quicker even than he was. "You little snip!" she chided, as she stood over Donna and waggled a finger at her. "You're not old enough or bright enough to even understand what's happening, let alone to speak for our children. You think of yourself as a leader of young people, when you're being led astray by all this false teaching."
"Now, wait a minute... " The normally cool-headed Pete was on his feet now, and most of the others seemed about to join the verbal fray.
"Stop it!" cried Jenny, tears streaming down her face. "Stop it this instant!" She had everyone's attention. "I can't stand this, all my friends yelling at one another - and in church! Didn't any of you hear or understand what Josh said a few minutes ago? We're here to do what Jesus would do. Can't you see the damage you're all doing? It just can't be this way!"
Her tears and admonitions had their effect. Everyone sat back down and quieted down. Still, no one apologized, and the tension was only slightly reduced. Chuck Dennison was embarrassed, and clearly at a loss how to proceed. "Shall we go on?" he asked the room, rather than the individuals.
No one volunteered immediately, but then Jenny raised her hand. "Since I've already started, I can say the rest of what I have to say very quickly. It's just that, even though there's been fighting and disagreement - which I hate, and which shouldn't be - I don't think Josh has done anything wrong. Not biblically, I mean. And I think it could really help the church, if we'd all get together and work on it." She paused. "I guess that's all."
Paul put his arm around her shoulder as she leaned back in her chair. She smiled at him.
"Thanks, Jenny," Chuck acknowledged. "Anyone else?"
Ted and Connie both commented that, while they hadn't been around for the whole time in question, they hadn't observed anything that they considered unscriptural. Ted expressed his opinion that some of the business matters could have been handled better, which might have headed off some of the current confusion. Connie added that she had been very impressed by the strong feeling of God's presence in all the services recently, despite the disagreements,
"I need to add to what Connie is saying about feeling God's presence," said Carolyn. "I've been in churches all my life, and I've never felt God so strongly as in the past few weeks. And it came at a time when I was very lost and very down. I wish you could all feel what I've felt in my heart. It's been exactly what I needed."
"Feelings," Herb said softly, as much to himself as to anyone else.
"Herb?" queried Evalyn.
"Listen to yourselves! Feelings. 'I felt.' 'l feel so good.’ 'I never felt.' You all have yourselves worked up to feel good. But nothing's really changed, don't you see? The world is just the same as ever. Each of you is still you.” He got up from the table. “That's what's wrong here. Josh is the big preacher man, trying for a revival. Don and Mag have their noses out of joint because they don't know ahead of time which hymn they're going to sing. Cal wants to shut out the real world. Oh, you can talk all you want about whether or not something is biblical, but that doesn't have anything to do with anything. The issue here is that you're all trying to hide from the real world - to package it some new way, so you won't have to face what it's really like. That's the issue here." He turned to face Josh. "And that's what I have against you, Josh Felton; that your preacher games are building up this false hope, that can't be carried through with. In the end, a lot of people are going to be very disappointed. That's when you'll all see what's really going on here."
Before anyone could say anything, Herb had gone, closing the door behind him. Several of those remaining looked inquiringly at Carolyn, but she merely shook her head in bewilderment and made no attempt to follow him. "Let's go on," she said.
Chuck looked to Josh for support. "Why not?" Josh replied.
Pete and Donna declined to comment. Both were clearly still upset by previous events. Evalyn took her turn to make two points.
"I wanted to clarify something that Don said. He intimated that my mother's pastor was behind the recent changes here in our church. Josh will tell you that he's talked to Pastor Thomas about some of what's gone on here, but you all need to remember that our church changes started while I was gone, and before Josh even knew Pastor Thomas."
"But he's been getting direction from him lately," protested Don.
"No, he hasn't. They've discussed some things, and they've prayed together, but nobody's telling anybody what to do. Anyway," she went on, before Don could start up again, "The other thing I wanted to say is that we checked the scriptures very carefully when we started experiencing some of the more exciting things that Don tried to describe to you. We can show you those scriptures, if you want."
"I'd like to talk about that, later," said Chuck. "After everyone has had their say. Paul, I guess you're the only one who hasn't had an opportunity to speak."
Paul cleared his throat, and paused for a few moments before saying anything. "I guess I've been more involved with recent events than anybody, except Josh. And, as most of you know, I've been very concerned about how things were going. I've urged Josh to back off from some of what he started, and I've warned him that trouble was brewing."
"Ah hah!" interrupted Margaret, triumphantly. Paul ignored her.
"My big concern has had to do with order in the church. My advice to Josh has been to give up those practices that were making people uncomfortable - to give the people what they wanted."
Don was outwardly gloating now. Paul pointedly addressed his next words to him. "As I said, I was very concerned about order, and church rules. I still am. I know that a lot of this problem could have been avoided if Josh had paid more attention to procedure." He paused, and smiled at Don. "Having said that, and in spite of those concerns, I think that Josh has some terrific things going on, and I'm sorry I wasn't part of it from the first."
Don was on his feet again, pounding the table. "Traitor! I knew you were going to do that. You've let him sway you, too."
Margaret was also protesting verbally, while others were talking, trying to restore order. Chuck finally pounded on the table himself, and out-yelled the others to regain control. When he had the floor again, he deferred to Paul to finish whatever he had to say.
"I think Josh and Ev have managed to get beyond church procedure, to really get in touch with God on a personal level. Some of the things that have happened, and some of the things that Josh has preached on lately, have certainly been out of the ordinary for us, But they all seem scriptural to me, and seem to have potential to bring tremendous good changes to individuals and to the church as a body. I hope to see things continue to grow and develop along these new lines."
This time, it was Jenny's turn to put her arm around Paul.
Chuck looked at Del, who had been increasingly quiet as the evening progressed. "Anything you want to say, Del, before Josh speaks?" Del shook his head. “Others? No, then the floor is now yours, Josh."
"I have to say I'm sorry, Chuck and Del, that you're here tonight. One would hope that a pastor could work things out with his own board and congregation, and not need a higher authority to intervene. Be that as it may, you are here, and I welcome the opportunity to explain to you and all the board just what's been going on. Despite the confusions - and I'm really saddened by the anger that has arisen between friends and co-workers - I'm excited about the way some of us are really touching God. I wish everyone could share with us.
"First, I freely admit that I started out playing games with what Don and Paul and a number of others have called my ‘soap opera.’ I stopped the story, but not (as my detractors would say) because it was universally disliked. In fact, I got some very positive feedback about it. No, I stopped because I realized that I couldn't write a story about how people could do what Jesus wanted them to do, because I didn't really know what Jesus would do! To put it another way, when I was confronted with real-life problems, I didn't have a clue how to find the real-life answers - for myself, let alone for anybody else. All I could do was repeat platitudes, like 'God will provide,’ which suddenly seemed as unsatisfactory to me as they were to the ones seeking my help.
"That realization - that I really didn't know how to get in touch with a living God - led to the second stage of events. I challenged the congregation, myself included, to adopt the 'In His Steps' challenge, to try to live for a full year asking ourselves in every circumstance what Jesus would do, and then doing it. This wasn't for everybody, and I didn't even ask people to tell me if they had accepted the challenge. Some have since shared that they have but, honestly, I don't have any idea what percentage of the congregation is involved, That's one of the things I saw early on: that there had to be an individual, personal commitment to go on."
Josh paused to collect his thoughts, although he was surprised how "collected" they really were. "I said that some people shared their commitment with Ev and me. That led to part three, the forming of a small group. What we saw was that, while the commitment had to be individual, a support group was a real help after the commitment was made. We could share our experiences and concerns, study the Bible together, and discuss subjects that there wasn't time or occasion to discuss in the regular church services."
Here Del Solitz asked a question, "Was everyone invited to join your small group?"
"No, not really. As a matter of fact, we - Ev, Pete, Donna, and I - hand-picked the group out of those we knew had accepted the challenge. At first, it was as much a support group for me as it was anything else."
"That's what your board of elders is for, isn't it?" asked Del.
"I suppose it is - or should be, anyway. But this was a case in which my board members were not going along with me, I needed support from Christians who were more... " He paused. "I know I'm likely to be misunderstood, but I needed people who were more open, more positive..."
"More spiritual?" asked Del, with perhaps a trace of antagonism. That provoked an outcry from Don and Margaret,
"No, I don't think I'd use that term," replied Josh. "But it was clear to me that some people were more in tune with my objectives than others were."
"You needed 'yes men'," suggested Del.
"Not a bit," replied Josh. “On the other hand, I sure didn't need 'no men'!"
"But you never invited others to join groups later, like you said you would," Margaret accused Josh, "You promised us you would."
Josh was taken aback by that. "You're right," he said. "I promised to extend the invitation to everyone, and I never did. It completely slipped my mind."
"Convenient," muttered Don.
Chuck interrupted, sensing another confrontation brewing. "Maybe this is the proper time to discuss ‘speaking in tongues’ and messages from God that came out of the small group meeting."
"Okay. Well, I think this was one of the real benefits and results of having the small group. We were close enough - in touch enough - that God was able to get through to address us so directly. I suspect that in most church services, there isn't the... I don't know, the oneness, or the expectation... "
"You were expecting this?" Del asked, suspiciously,
Josh had to reconsider. "No, ‘expectation’ isn't the right word. Probably nobody expected what we got. Most of us didn't know such things were available. I guess what I really meant to say is that we were all so close together in our feelings that we were ready for anything."
"So, what actually happened?" asked Chuck. Josh explained as clearly and as matter-of-factly as he could, but he found it wasn't easy to put in clinical terms. He felt his eyes dampen as he spoke, and noticed some of the others having a similar "problem." Josh's version was clearly different from Don's. He couldn't tell if it felt different to the two from "Denomination," or to the other board members.
"Interesting," was all Chuck said when Josh had finished, but Del was a little more pointed. "You mean to tell us that a woman who isn't even a church member claimed to speak for God - and you believed her?"
That set off various undercurrents in the group. Josh felt calm, but he took his time responding. "First, Bev never claimed to speak for God. It was clear to all of us present that it was God speaking to us in Bev's voice. I guess we chauvinists usually think of God as a man, but I think that's what it is - chauvinism, and tradition. God encompasses us all, and I suspect He can speak in any form, gender, or language He chooses. I can only say that it seemed very right the way it occurred.
"As Ev said earlier, everything that might seem... well, unusual to the average churchgoer can be found in the scriptures. We didn't all know it was available to us, but we checked it out carefully, afterwards. I don't know, maybe you want to get into that now, but before we do I'd like to pick up on something that Del said that was also brought up by Don. That's this question of church membership.
"I have to admit that I had completely forgotten our regulation against participation by non-members. I know I should remember such things, but when it came up as an accusation against me, I was flabbergasted. When it was pointed out, I did stop having that non-member lead choruses in the Sunday services."
"But you still let them attend your group meeting,” accused Don.
"Yes, I did, Don. I guess if I was being legalistic, I'd have to say that our Tuesday sessions are ‘church business' because Ev and I and other board members are present. However, I didn't perceive it that way because we were meeting outside the church and none of us was wearing an ‘official hat.' We were all just Christians - all equal - sharing our Christianity."
"I don't see the difference," protested Del.
"Well, I do. I was willing to obey the rule as an official, paid representative of the denomination, but only for that reason. I think it's a bad rule. God doesn't recognize our denomination as different or better than others - he doesn't recognize our denomination, at all! - so why should we be making membership a prerequisite for Christian activity? I suspect that some of our members are not Christians. How can we deny participation in worship to Christian non-members when we don't deny it to non-Christian members?"
"We have to assume that all members are Christians," replied Del. "Why would they want to be members if they weren't Christians?"
Chuck sensed another tangent. "It's getting pretty late; maybe we should wrap it up for tonight. Josh, are you finished?"
"Pretty much. The only other thing I wanted to make clear is that I have heard what Paul and Ted and others have been telling me about the problems I've caused by not following protocol. I've tried to correct the procedural problems, and I'll continue to do what I can to make people more comfortable with the changes that have occurred. But I feel so strongly that we are moving in the right direction for the majority of Christians that I can't turn back to the way things were before."
"What's wrong with how they were before?" demanded Don.
"Hold on," Chuck jumped in, hurriedly. "I think we've all heard him say what he means. Let's not belabor it. We're all getting tired."
There were several nods of agreement. "Tell you what, I don't think we can get any further tonight, and I think Del and I need to discuss what we've heard before we can say much. How about meeting tomorrow night. Can you all come?" They could. "Okay, here at seven o'clock. And Carolyn, be sure to bring Herb back with you. We need him."
Carolyn could only smile feebly at the request.
***
A half hour later, those board members who were also members of the "Tuesday group” - and that included the Graysons, now - were gathered at the Allens, along with Debbie and Bill. Josh, with ample help from the others, described the meeting. Donna and Pete were obviously subdued, and as soon as Josh had summed things up, Donna took the floor.
"I apologize to you, Josh, and to everybody for my behavior tonight. I know there are no excuses, but I got so angry! This is all so petty, and so ridiculous. I don't know how much more of it I can stand."
Pete added his apology. "When Mag started to talk to Donna that way, I felt like going off the deep end, too." He paused, "I'm beginning to feel like Donna does about this whole business. I just don't see where it can lead... I qualify that: I don't see any place good it can lead!"
That subdued everyone for a moment. Then Harry spoke. "It's obvious we need to talk and pray about a lot of things, but let's start by praying specifically for Pete and Donna. We're all sure we're on the right track. Maybe together we can find some individual peace for them, and for all of us."
Without further words, they gathered around the Newsoms, laying their hands on them and on one another. Someone began singing immediately, softly in a beautiful tone prayer that began to soothe each of the hearers. Another voice joined in for a few minutes, then faded into gentle personal murmurings as Harry began to pray aloud.
"Dear Lord, we thank You for Your guidance in our lives. Even in the midst of current confusions, we feel Your blessings on us. But, Lord, it's so hard sometimes, when we're attacked or we see our friends attacked for doing what we know is Your will. Please help us, Lord, and especially Pete and Donna, because they have confessed their sadness and frustration to us and to You. Keep our spirits up, help us keep things in perspective, and help us feel Your peace and confidence. Give them and all of us the mind of Christ, so we can approach all situations with Your love and Your glory shining out from us. You've said that that's the way people will know we're Christians, and that's what we want more than anything else."
His voice trailed off, to be replaced again by individual whispered prayers and praise. These grew in volume and intensity as others joined in. Then, by some definite, but unspoken signal, they all stopped abruptly.
"Lean on Me, children," said the voice that was Evalyn's, but wasn't. "Let your problems be My problems. If I am God, and if you are serving Me, then you have no reason to carry anger, hurt, or fear within yourselves. You are acting as My agents in all things, and just as you are confident that you are in My will, you must put off your need to be angry and indignant for My sake. I am God; I can defend Myself. All I ask of you is an open heart through which My love can flow. All I ask from you is a willing mind open to My perspective, rather than your own. You know I demand that you love everyone, not just those who are loveable. Though you cannot do that on your own, I have given you My mind and My power so that it might be accomplished. If I am God, cease your fighting. If I am God, cease your straining. If I am God, lean on Me. If I am God, let me be God!"
The room was as still as death is proverbially supposed to be, but the shared feelings were certainly not of death. Tears were flowing, but they were tears of life and individual release. When everyone eventually left for their homes, they took with them a peace and confidence that some had never felt before, and that others were appreciating more and more.
* * *
"We've been missing out, Jen," said Paul, later that evening.
"It was wonderful!" Jenny paused, then sat up in bed. "All the same, I'm scared, Paul."
He sat up also, put his arm around her shoulder, and held her to him. "I'm scared, too, if you mean that you have a premonition that church things may get worse before they get better."
"You feel that, too?"
"I do, But you know what God said this evening; it's His problem, not ours. I guess we need to hold on to the good things and let the rest take care of itself."
They settled back in bed. "I'm still scared," she said.
* * *
Josh was sitting up in bed, too. He spoke softly, experimentally, to the woman beside him. "Ev, are you awake?"
"Barely," she mumbled.
"I need to talk."
She turned over, instantly awake. "Okay, talk."
But he didn't, for a few moments. He had to work to say what was on his mind. "Ev, I'm not so sure that this ‘Denomination’ inquiry is going to work out favorably for us," he began.
"I know. I feel the same way, but that's really up to God, isn't it?"
"Oh, sure. That isn't really what I'm thinking about."
He had her full attention now. She sat up in the bed, cross-legged in front of him. "Then, what?"
"I'm thinking... I'm thinking that maybe it really doesn't matter one way or the other, because I'm wondering now if I even want to continue pastoring a church."
She just stared at him. He shrugged, trying to find more of the words he wanted. "What I'm feeling is that, regardless of what Chuck and Del say, and regardless of what comes after, I'm changed. I'm not the person who ran the church like an organization, who accepted all that ‘Denomination’ expected when they hired us, and who was interested in order and eloquent sermons and Sunday school games. I agree with the need for order and good communication, in and out of the formal church business structure, but I'm not sure I can give those things precedence, anymore. I mean, how can I continue to work with elders that I have no faith in, spiritually, and at the same time deprive myself and the congregation of what people like Bev and Harry have to offer? I feel like a hypocrite just thinking about it!"
Evalyn continued regarding him without saying anything. She realized that this wasn't a complete surprise to her, but she hadn't had to consider it, until now.
"Do you understand what I'm saying?"
She nodded. "Oh, I understand, all right. I'm just trying to get to the next step. What is it: another church, or another denomination?"
He shook his head. "That doesn't seem to get us anywhere. Some churches are clearly more conservative or more liberal than others - more formal or more casual - but if they're still part of an organization fostering their own brand of Christianity..." He shrugged, again.
"What, then?”
Another head shake. "I don't know, Ev. I really don't."
She lay back down again, but didn't relax. After a minute, she began to cry softly. He lay down beside her, and held her to him. "I'm sorry, Ev. You don't need this."
She cuddled closer to him, but continued to cry quietly until she fell into a restless sleep. He held her, and stared at the ceiling for a long time.
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