The near-quarantine of the Covid epidemic years seriously disrupted the plans of the Cleveland-Rafferty families, just like it did everyone else's. We were more fortunate than many, because we lived together, and were "isolated" as a group, rather than all alone - which was often the sad plight, and especially hard on the aged.
We used the time to update our personal affairs, knowing if we didn't die from Covid, we were all of an age that death wouldn't be too far in the future. We went through thousands of photos and color slides, and thousands of family papers that somebody might like to see, some day. We reminisced about our lives together, and before we teamed up.
Inevitably, it seemed, our discussions turned to assessments of our lives. Had we made the right choices? Had we done everything we wanted to, or everything we think we should have done? Those aren't easy things to think about, or talk about. We have ideas, and we make plans, but life inevitably changes them over time. Also, it's sometimes very hard to be honest with oneself, let alone with others. We don't like to think we've failed at something, or have someone else judging how well or how poorly we've done. On the other hand, we don't gain anything by making it sound better than it was.
The exercise was probably easier for us than it would have been for most people. After all, the four of us had been operating pretty much as a single unit for over fifty years. It would be pretty hard to say anything to one another that we didn't already have a pretty good idea about.
***
Mandy went first in one of these discussions. She made it clear right up front that she had never had any aspirations of becoming President of the United States, or the first female Chief Justice of the Supreme Court. With those potential goals off the table, what she had wanted was to be sweetheart, wife, friend, lover, and mother of the children of the man who was all those other things to her. She wanted to be with that man for a long, long time, and she wanted there to be lots of sex. (I think I was both grinning and blushing at that point.) She wanted lifelong friends with whom she could share all aspects of her life. She wanted to have a strong role in raising all their children to have dreams of their own, but she didn't want to tell the children what those dreams should be. Finally, she wanted to know enough about what was going on in the world that she could understand, and help out where possible. Was that setting the bar too low, she asked? None of us thought so.
Vic also denied any interest in high
office, but she also denied
any early interest in men or sex. (We all scoffed
at that.) She claimed that Greg - and lots of excellent sex - were just happy
coincidences that came along with her real dreams. (We scoffed at that, also.
Greg didn't blush, like I did, but he certainly produced a broad grin.) What
she really had been interested in, she said, was knowing everything, learning
the facts about everything, and then doing something about everything.
This was an obvious exaggeration, or simplification, but I think it was close to the truth. Back in the '80s, a horrible tabloid "The National Enquirer" ran tv commercials stating that "Enquiring (or inquiring) minds want to know." Vic would have hated to be identified with "The Enquirer," but she was certainly the ultimate Inquiring Mind. I don't know if she was that obnoxious little kid who asked "why" every time her parents said something, but - as Greg can attest to - she had a whole arsenal of intelligent questions to ask by the time she graduated from high school. Their long, and deep, discussions of everything from civil rights to religion to the female orgasm (!) set the tone for much of their future life together. She, and they together, got better at prioritizing what was most important for them to pursue, and it became the foundation for their "business" of helping people and groups be more effective problem-solvers.
In college, one of her teachers paid Vic what she considered a major compliment. He was lamenting about how passive and disinterested most of his students seemed to be. It was only the one or two students each semester who - like her - really wanted to learn that kept him teaching. He quoted a line from John Steinbeck's "East of Eden," in which Adam Trask is trying to provoke one of his sons to action. “You see, there’s a responsibility in being a person. It’s more than just taking up space where air would be.” The professor strongly implied that most of his students were "just taking up space." Vic vowed never to be in that category.
How did she feel her life had lined up with her objectives? Pretty good, she said, but of course, you can never really know how much you accomplished. Making the world better - which is how she considered her and Greg's work - wasn't a one person, or a short-term, job. At least, they'd had a little response to suggest they were doing some good. The work they had done on the military draft had provoked some discussion, and all their talking and writing about how to be effective at addressing problems had certainly led to a lot of analyzing and arguing. It wasn't possible to get much more affirmation than that.
Of course, she concluded, work is only a small part of life. The affirmation for her came from what she and Greg had together, what the four of them had developed, and the success of their combined "family." There was also the question about how the outside world perceived her, and them. She reverted to another Adam Trask comment from "East of Eden." “It seems to me that if you or I must choose between two courses of thought or action, we should remember our dying and try so to live that our death brings no pleasure to the world." She thought all four of us could feel comfortable on that score.
***
I was quite interested to hear what
Greg would say. I knew that
much of his adult life was the same as Vic's, and
that he would agree with her assessment. He and I knew each other pretty well,
I thought, from the four of us being together for so long, but more
significantly from many one-on-one sessions with just him and me and a couple
of bottles of West Coast IPA. Still, I wasn't quite sure what he would conclude.
As expected, he started out agreeing with what Vic had said about them and their work. Then, he turned to his own wildlife and conservation career. (NOTE: As I sometimes do, I'm putting this in quotes, even though it may not be verbatim. It's very close to his actual words.)
"I think I'd give myself a B+ or maybe even an A- for my work. I did a creditable job, and I don't think I did any harm. But it's like Vic said about our other endeavors. 'Saving the world' isn't a one- person job, and you can never know how your part fits in with the other parts. I got enough accolades to know that, in general at least, people I worked with thought I was on the right track.
"Having said that, I'm not sure I ever found the ideal place for me to be. I've been happy enough - particularly because the rest of my life was grounded in you guys - but in my last years before retirement, and ever since, I've felt a vague disappointment in the way things have been going. Some of it's probably the result of getting old and being out of touch, but it doesn't feel like the world is working right, anymore.
"Almost every month, it seems, some group of scientists publishes a report on what's happening to the animals of the world. The scientists are all pretty consistent, though they measure in different ways. One figure you see a lot is that the world population of birds, mammals, fish, amphibians and reptiles has decreased by almost two-thirds in the last 50 years. One in eight bird species has a high risk of becoming extinct in the foreseeable future. Another report says that a tenth of all the plants and animals in the world could be extinct by the end of the 21st century. Insect populations are way, way down.
" What are we doing about it? We're talking about it, and doing the same things that got us in this mess.
"Similarly, we may have completely lost the fight against climate change. If we haven't, we have very little time to make some drastic changes. What are we doing about it? We're talking, and not much else.
"We've had innumerable chances to get rid of the military weapons that are allowing so many mass murders. What are we doing about it? We're talking, and maybe praying a little.
"Almost every analyst agrees that our entire political and social system is badly broken, and the threat to our democracy is as great as it’s been since the Civil War. What are we doing about it? We're talking, and wringing our hands.
"Are we, as a species, unable to make any important decisions?
"As I said, I'm disappointed, but I guess I'm resigned."
***
Well, that was a little more surprising than I had expected, and I still had my statement to make. It might have been a hard act to follow, but actually I knew pretty clearly what I wanted to say.
My life must have seemed pretty sedate and unremarkable to many people. I spent most of my time in the classroom, with books and students. I learned a lot from Greg and Vic about addressing the needs of the world, and I joined them and Mandy in supporting various causes. But I seldom initiated anything like that. Had my life been important? I think the answer is a very definite "yes!"
Books introduce us to the world - how it was, and how it is. They describe places we'll never see in person, and times and events we'll never experience. They let us look in depth at human nature and human customs, over time and in different situations. They present us with models to live by, and situations to avoid. They help us think about the future, and what we might do with it - as individuals, or as a species. Together, they are an amazing open door.
Teachers may not always be necessary to get the good out of literature, but teachers can help a lot by explaining the times and circumstances when certain books were written. They can direct the students to other books that further illuminate or elucidate what the writer was experiencing. The teacher can also help the students learn to think their own thoughts, and eventually add those to the world of literature.
All my life, I've heard the supposed virtues of teaching and teachers extolled. I guess we believe that at some level, but we believe more strongly in what can be accomplished today. "Education" is good, but reading is more of a hobby, a pastime. Whenever I hear that, I think about Bishop Myriel, in "Les Misérables." Victor Hugo presents Bishop Myriel to us as a man who could be well-to-do, but chooses to use most of his money and other resources for the poor and needy. In old age, he lives with his elderly sister and an equally elderly housekeeper, Mme. Magloire. His residence has a garden, divided into four plats, three of which Mme. Magloire uses to grow vegetables. Bishop Myriel uses the fourth for flowers.
Mme. Magliore gently chided the Bishop about his flowers:
“Monseigneur, you are always anxious to make everything useful, but yet here is a plat that is of no use. It would be much better to have salads there than bouquets.”
“Madame Magliore,” replied the Bishop, “You are mistaken. The beautiful is an useful as the useful.” He added, after a moment’s pause, “perhaps more so.”
Vegetables are good, but so is the color of flowers.
***
While we were philosophizing in our semi-quarantine, the world was going on, outside.
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